Entry One (of 100 Million)
I have been asked to keep a journal of daily events, dreams, and anything else I think is worth writing about, so this is it an "online diary".
Here is where I will write my "bitch fits" and other "episodes", of course my life isn't always in the dips, so there will be times when I express how excited I am... It happens so frequently that I was diagnosed with Bipolar... (Not happy with that, but shit happens)
Last night I was in the darker side of how my emotions rule me, and I wanted to be so alone, so far removed from reality, that I decided to get drunk. Something I haven't done since 6 December 2012... So yep it was a desperate cry of help. All I wanted was to be numb from thinking! Just happy for a few moments to get me through this "down phase"...
It's not hard to come to the truth that alcohol solves nothing. But the other edge of that sword is, nothing need not be solved...
I am always out on a wire, torn between the choices that are available, all leading to some form of heartbreak... Each time I make a choice, I am faced with that notion... My brain/mind kicks in and argues with my heart/soul, then circumstance/body makes the final call...
One way or another, what ever I do, others make me feel guilty for the choices I made, that I was happy with... Demonstrating how my choices effected their lives for the worse... (this is my close people I am talking about)
One word to describe me today:
Blank
